aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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