high people should be assigned attendants
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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