Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
