plz talk dirty to me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
