i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I need to sanitize my soul.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
