tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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