I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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