How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
