saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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