You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
