well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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