you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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