okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
