I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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