fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A bitchslap is in order.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
