You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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