She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
