saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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