I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
