What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
