is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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