we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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