just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
