Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
