Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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