I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
