I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
