I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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