Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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