I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize