question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Randomize
