I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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