She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
