Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
