she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
