no, he came in my armpit
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
