the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
