the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
