it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
