Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I love you. Go after that dick
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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