i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
