you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
