I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
