Welp...herpes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
