Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
