they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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