I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
