is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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