just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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