Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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