nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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