Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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