who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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