I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
