Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
