Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
