Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
