White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
