Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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