Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
