sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
