Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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