I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
