PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
