PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
