My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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