she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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