I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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