Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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