I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
