you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
