im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize