I love black thongs
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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