I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
God I need to hump something, right now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
