thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
