I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
