I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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