i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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