UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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