fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
