did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
