and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
