I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Less talking, more tequila
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
